A little over a month ago, I turned the big 3-0.

More than any other birthday thus far, I’ve had some thoughts about turning 30. If you’re interested, here’s my brain dump.

Author Goals

During a local newspaper interview around the time I published The Crush in 2020, the interviewer asked what my future goals for writing included, and I stated that I wanted to have at least five published books out before my 30th birthday. God allowed me to accomplish this goal over a year early with the release of The Fall in 2022.

As far as writing goes, I didn’t have a set number of books that I wanted to have written before my 30th birthday, but God allowed me to finish seven total manuscripts, the latest being On the Flip Side, which was completed in September 2023.

Author career wise… turning 30 has shed a glaring light on the fact that I’m still, seven years into my indie author career, not where I want to be yet. My ultimate goal is to be able to support my family as a full-time indie author, and that destination still seems light-years out of reach. I have faith that it can and will happen in God’s time, if it’s in His will for me; however, reaching this milestone birthday has just been a constant reminder that I’ve been waiting so long for this dream to become a reality, and it’s gotten to me at times this year. My mindset toward authorship isn’t nowhere near as bad as it was in 2020/2021, but I’ve definitely done my fair share of expressing my frustration to God over the past few months and asking Him to forgive me for any doubts I’ve had.

Family Goals

I’ve been married a little over two years now, and my husband and I do not have any children yet.

We’re both in our early thirties, but we’re not getting any younger, and this, my friends, has been my biggest burden to face about turning 30.

We’ve been waiting for the right time to start our family, for a few different reasons. The main reason is that I’ve been scared out of my mind. I won’t go into details as to why (that would be a novel itself) but I’ll just say I have intense medical anxiety and leave it at that.

But my husband and I want to have kids, and again, we’re not getting any younger.

I feel bad for making him wait as long as I have, even though he said he’s fine with me waiting until I’m ready, because he’s been ready. I feel bad whenever someone asks when we’re going to have kids because it’s my fault we’re still waiting (I hate that intrusive question anyway, because you never know what difficulties couples are facing, nor the reason they are childless!).

I know, if it’s in God’s will for us to have children, that it’s not too late. I know of several women who’ve had children in their mid-to-late thirties, and even their early forties, so I know I could still have time. I just don’t want to be a coward who ends up waiting so long that she misses her window, you know?

If you will, please pray for me in this area. I’ve battled anxiety over this since our first year of marriage, and while it’s eased off the tiniest bit over the past few months, I want to be delivered from this for good and be able to see a future pregnancy as a blessing and an honor to carry a life created by God, and not as a terrifying season of doctor’s visits and worst-case scenarios.

Personal Goals

I almost started crying while writing the last section, so let’s end this post on a positive note.

So far, 30 has been my year of exploring or revisiting other hobbies besides writing and reading, and this part of turning 30 has been my favorite.

For my birthday, I asked for a video camera, as well as a sketch book and markers. The video camera is for recording family moments, like my daddy did for our family when I was younger on his VHS camcorder. When I was around ten years old, I loved playing with the camcorder, and I’m excited to have my own video camera now (separate from a phone). I’ve also wanted to improve my drawing skills so that, maybe, I can learn how to make illustrated book covers. I’m not terrible at drawing, but I’m not a natural either, so that’s been slow going but fun all the same. I’ve been browsing Pinterest for random tutorials and draw and color while my husband and I watch TV.

And y’all… on Easter, I dared to revisit one of my all-time favorite video games from when I was a kid, and it’s been a complete blast, let me tell you. I’ve played Animal Crossing ever since the original game came out on the GameCube, but haven’t played video games much in the past few years. Lately, I’ve seen a couple of my favorite BookTubers playing Animal Crossing, but I don’t own the consoles for the two newest games. Instead, I’ve been revisiting my favorite in the saga: Wild World on the Nintendo DS. I’ve only played it for a few days so far, but I’ve enjoyed remaking my town and catching and selling fish to pay off my mortgage. XD On the second day, Gracie the Giraffe showed up and called me a redneck because of my outfit, and it made me laugh so hard. I forgot how savage that game is. 😛 (If you know, you know).

Talk to Me, Arrowheads!

I know this was more of a random brain dump than a legitimate post, but if you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this. I’ve been stewing on this for a while, and I feel like being transparent may help others who are dealing with similar things.

If you’re older than me and have dealt with any of these situations, I appreciate any godly advice you’re willing to share!

Aim high, stay strong, and always hit your mark.

-Allyson 😀