Before I met my now fiance, I was in the “single season” for three years. During that three year period, a handful of local guys messaged me on social media, trying to get to know me. I replied to a few, thinking they were genuinely interested in me and would lead to a potential dating relationship; however, I soon discovered an ever-present pattern in their behavior and determined they were just leading me on.
If you’re currently talking to a guy and he shows these three signs, proceed with caution, my friend. Today we’re going over the top three warning signals you can look for to figure out if a guy is leading you on.
Sign 1) He’s More Focused on Your Looks Than You
The absolute number one red flag I’ve discovered when getting to know guys is that if he is full of “sweet nothings” (i.e. always saying you’re hot/beautiful/sexy), he’s most likely full of crap and is only wanting a “relationship” with you for physical purposes. *shudders*
That may be a super blunt way of putting it, but from my experience, it’s the harsh reality of the modern dating world. Thankfully, due to a plethora of Christian dating articles I read online during my single season, I easily identified this as a red flag and shut the guys down every time they began to make me feel uncomfortable. One of my proudest moments was when this guy (supposedly a devout church guy, no less) kept bugging me to send him a picture of me in my bathing suit. *gags* Absolutely no way, creeper. So, instead, I sent him a random picture I found on Google Images of a cartoon elderly lady in a bikini. He never asked again. XD
Some of y’all may think I was just being too harsh on the guy, or just blew what he was asking for out of proportion. I politely disagree. Girls, if we want to find guys worth dating, we must be willing to have standards and not lower our standards for anyone. A self-respect standard I have for myself is to save myself for my future husband and not put my body on display for anyone else. Boldly saying no to his request was enforcing my standard, and I knew in my heart that anyone worth dating wouldn’t ask me to send them pictures like that.
My fiance, Josh, on the other hand, asked me questions about myself when we first met. We hung out in person just as much as we texted, and I’m pretty sure he never said anything about my looks, let alone asked me for a bikini pic. Instead, our conversations actually involved getting to know each other, like our favorite movies, cartoons we watched as a kid, our families, our pasts, etc.
This is how lasting relationships are built. I can 10/10 guarantee that relationships that are built on the shaky foundations of lust alone won’t stand for the long-term, so heed my warning, girls. Respect yourself enough to know there’s a guy out there that will appreciate and love you for you and not just your body.
Sign 2) He Never Initiates Hang Outs
Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just pinpoint all the wrong guys just by gauging them against sign one? Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. So, what ends up happening is you start talking to this guy who you think is interested. He asks you on a date, and you accept. You have a great time, and though he stills texts you day and night, you find yourself waiting… and waiting… and waiting for a second date or hang out.
But, it never comes. Unless you’re the first to ask.
So you work up the nerve to ask him. You have what you thought was a great time again, and he’s still blowing up your phone. You’ve convinced yourself he likes you, but why is he not asking you to hang out? If he liked you, he would do that, right?
This scenario has happened to me on two separate occasions, and in both instances, I found out that both guys who did this were also talking to at least one other girl. I know this because just days after we reached the ghosting point (see sign 3 below), they were “In a Relationship” on Facebook with someone else. My younger sister has also experienced the same kind of situation, and it garnered the same result. I’m not saying that this is the case every time, but patterns of behavior make a convincing case.
Girls, please know that if this happens to you, it’s not your fault. If the guy truly respects you and considers you as a potential girlfriend, he should have the decency to give you his undivided attention and not entertain other girls at the same time. It’s his loss, honey.
Guys who lead multiple girls on at once are playboys, and playboys are not hubby material. Be thankful that you discovered this about him early on and didn’t waste years of dating a man with a traveling gaze.
Sign 3) Ghosting
Ah, ghosting. Otherwise known as when people don’t have enough courage or decency to let you know that they don’t see the relationship going anywhere, so they just stop talking to you for good. So classy, am I right?
Like I mentioned in Sign 2, this guy will be texting you day and night, like he is so enamored by you and has eyes for no one else and then BAM! It just stops.
At first you think “Oh, maybe he’s busy.” You wait a few hours, maybe a day or two. But still, nothing.
You begin to wonder if he’s suffered some kind of tragic death. I mean surely, if he was texting you nonstop for weeks, he wouldn’t just stop on his own volition?
Around the first day or two of silence, you’ll pull up your message thread and just stare at it. You’ll question whether your phone is working correctly. You’ll ask your sibling to text you to see if you can actually receive messages. And, once you verify that you can in fact receive messages, you itch to text him first.
Girl, respect yourself enough to not do this. I repeat, DO NOT TEXT HIM FIRST.
Unless you’re certain he is going through a tough time such as dealing with a sick/dying family member, has lost a pet, or is suffering from an illness or depression, DO NOT TEXT HIM. If he is dealing with something and just doesn’t feel like texting you first, that’s fine. Give him some space or just let him know you’re thinking of him. But if you’ve seen that he’s been active on Facebook, Messenger, Instagram, Snapchat, what-have-you and he still hasn’t texted you…
This is the ultimate sign he’s been leading you on. If he cared about your feelings at all, he would have let you down easy instead of cutting off all communication. Again, please know that this isn’t your fault, that it is truly his loss, and that you deserve someone who respects you more than that.
You may be thinking, “Well Allyson, what good is having this Sign 3 if you can’t see it coming?” That’s a great question, my friend. The thing about Sign 3 is that nine times out of ten, the Ghost Guy will return for a round two. I kid you not.
If you haven’t realized it by now, some guys are just flat-out jerks. These Ghost Guy Round 2 losers have the audacity to text you out of the blue weeks or even months later trying to rekindle whatever crush you once had on them.
Here, my dear, is where Sign 3’s use comes in: DO NOT let him have the upper hand this time. DO NOT answer his cry for attention (unless, again, you suspect he’s in serious harm). DO NOT disrespect yourself by caving in and giving him another chance to mess with your feelings.
Just ignore him. Like I said, you want someone who is future hubby material, not someone who makes you question how they feel about you.
The Top 3 Signs He’s Leading You On Are:
- Sign 1) He’s More Focused on Your Looks Than You
- Sign 2) He Never Initiates Hang Outs
- Sign 3) Ghosting
Talk to Me, Arrowheads!
Have you ever been led on by someone you liked? What other warning signs can you think of that will help other readers? Drop your wisdom in the comments!
Oh, and before you leave,
My next book is releasing on October 24th! If you would like to be an early reviewer, click the button below to apply for my ARC Team! Team submissions are open until September 30th, so claim your spot now! ❤
Aim high, stay strong, and always hit your mark.