Let me preface this post by admitting the cold, hard truth: It ain’t easy being patience when you’ve wanted something your entire life.
If you’re a hopeless romantic like me who feels burdened by the lack of romance you’re experiencing in your single season, you probably know this already. You feel like Jane and Lizzie at the beginning of Pride and Prejudice, anxious that you’ll end up like their friend Charlotte Lucas, an “old maid” who has to settle on love instead of finding love in its truest form.
Even if you may be the same age as Charlotte now and you’re still unmarried, trust me, if God means for you to fall in love someday, it will happen for you. In the meantime, we must learn to be patient.
But how on earth do we learn to do that?
Lose Your Unrealistic Expectations
“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”William Shakespeare
Expectations, my dear, are fun to conjure up, but most likely will make you more anxious when it comes to finding your true love. In my upcoming YA Romance novel, The Crush, Emery is so dead-set on finding her own identical copy of her grandparents’ fifty-year marriage that she overlooks the fact her love story may take on an entirely different narrative.
Yes, I believe it’s important to have standards, such as practicing abstinence. Or, if you’re a Christian, finding another Christian. Personally, before I met Josh, I wanted to find a guy who doesn’t drink or smoke (and he doesn’t). It’s good to have basic relationship standards or boundaries like these to ensure you’re compatible. But don’t let your Standard List roll over into unrealistic expectations like:
- Reads as much as I do
- Plays guitar
- Exact replica of Jordan from Blimey Cow
Those pretty much word for word came from my Expectation List. And let me tell y’all… my now fiance doesn’t meet any of these, but I love him all the same. Trust that God, who created each and every one of us, knows who your true love needs to be. And Lord knows, I need someone like Josh. ❤
Trust the Timing
Here’s the hard part. And the hard truth: Our timing isn’t God’s timing.
When I was single from 2013 to 2016, with each passing month as I watched my former classmates getting in relationships, getting engaged or married, and having kids, I grew so bitter toward the concept of love. I kept wondering why they were good enough to find love, but I wasn’t. And all the while, I had this huge crush on a guy that fit 2/3 of my unrealistic expectations, who had no earthly clue I existed. I constantly begged God to put us together because I was convinced this guy was perfect for me, and I couldn’t fathom why God wouldn’t present the opportunity.
Here’s the funny part: Literally the same month I gave up on that hopeless crush I had been harping on for three years, my cousin’s wife texted me that she worked with this guy she wanted to introduce me to. That guy is now my fiance.
*Collective gasp from the arrowheads*
Yeah, I know. That’s a big whoop. I think about it a lot. And it’s a great example of why we need to trust God’s timing, because He knows what we need more than we do.
How to Move Forward
Whether you’re fifteen, twenty-five, or forty-five reading this and you’re still in your single season, don’t write yourself off as a Charlotte Lucas. Don’t hop into a relationship with, (or worse, marry) some Mr. Collins (girl, please don’t) just to be with someone. It won’t make you happy, and it won’t be the true love you’ve been vying after.
First, you need to realize that there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s okay to dream, but don’t expect certain outcomes. God knows who you need and when you’ll be ready, so trust Him.
Second, dig into God’s word and learn to find beauty and love from Him. I did this, and only then did I learn to let go of the desires I was holding on to. Then, and only then, was I able to grasp onto what God had intended for me from the start.
Talk to Me, Arrowheads!
What season of love are you in at the moment? Do you like this type of content? If so, tell me what kind of dating/relationship/love related posts you’d like to see in the future!
Aim high, stay strong, and always hit your mark.